I'm in a fat prison...

I'm in a fat prison.  I don't know how to get out.
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More later.

Random-ness

I've missed 3 WW meetings in a row.  Because I suck.  Well, really because I had to work but I could have gone to a meeting on another day.  I just chose not to.  Yesterday I sorta had a free for all with food.  Today I am back on track.  I am determined to do this.  I *need* to do this.

Next Sunday I am chopping off all of my hair.   Many, many inches.  I can't wait.  And I think I may change the color drastically.  I definitely want pink in it.  Is that weird??

My husband and I weigh the same.  That's never a good thing.  He is 6'4 and I am 5'9.  I hate him.  :-)  He's dropped about 30 pounds just following WW with me.  Well, not really following it with me as I make all his meals.  He just eats what I give him.  Oh, and did I mention that I've dropped like 6 pounds??  Hate.  Men.

I haven't had any water in about a week until yesterday and I was up all night going to the potty.  Today I am really turning on the water intake to hopefully help my body shed this fat that I know it desperately wants to let go of.

Okay... enough randomness.  Peace.

Weekly Weigh In

I woke up at 6am on a Saturday and pulled my hefty ass out of bed for this???  A loss of only 1.8 pounds??? 

Those were my thoughts this morning as the receptionist congratulated me for another loss.  I didn't feel that I should have been congratulated... I felt that I should have been scolded.  Only 1.8 pounds?  Maybe I shouldn't have gone out to eat the night before my weigh in though I had chicken fajitas.  Nothing but chicken, veggies and 2 flour tortillas.  I nixed the chips and salsa, the shredded cheese (oh how I love cheese) and the yummy looking guacamole as well as the other flour tortillas... but maybe it wasn't enough??  The gallon of water that I drink a day.  Maybe that's not enough?  How could I only lose 1.8 pounds when my BFF lost 5 point something this week?  These are all thoughts and questions that were flashing through my mind as I walked to the back for the meeting.  And then I sat down and that's when common sense came flooding back.  I've accomplished a great deal thus far:

 - I now drink a gallon of water a day.  I didn't drink water at all prior to WW as my drink of choice was Dr. Pepper... and not even diet.
 - I journal and track all of my food, every day.  Every little BLT.
 - I've lost 8.2 pounds in two weeks.
 - My boobs now stick out further than my belly does.
 - I'm in control of me again.
 - I walk the stairs on my breaks at work.

I think that says a lot about me.  I am making conscious, healthy changes in my life.  I know I am in control.  I know that this will be a slow process.  And I know that I am making MYSELF proud and that is enough for me. 

Onward to the next week... and more progress.

The Stairs... are not a fat girls best friend.

I'll admit it.  I do not enjoy exercise. In any shape, form or fashion.  I don't get all giggly when the time comes... nor do I look forward to each new session.  At all.  I just want to be lazy-ish and enjoy what little time I have with 7 kids and a husband. But I also want to be healthy and in order to reach that goal I have to compromise.  Right?  Right?!  I guess so {stomps foot and pouts}.

I have a very good friend at work that I adore.  Except that she's skinny.  And gorgeous.  And... well, skinny.  I'm the funny fat friend in this story... though she is pretty hilarious herself.  Case in point:  today she comes over to my desk and tells me that we are going to "do the stairs" on our 15 minute break.  I said "Excuse me???  Don't you see that I am fat?", which I felt to be a pretty appropriate comment given the situation, thankyouverymuch.  Somehow the heiffer talks me in to walking those stairs several times... and then a walk around the building.  I hate her.  I really do. No, seriously.  :-) 

My legs were killing me and I was gasping for air like an asthmatic.  After we were done, she walked me back to my desk to make sure I didn't topple over in the hallway as we had guests in the office and said "See you tomorrow!  Same time!  Bring your sneaks!!!".  Like she was excited about it... this... whatever it is.  Damn her.  Damn her all to hell for loving me and wanting to help me reach my goals. 

I am hoping for 3 pounds on the scale this week so I am packing my sneaks in my gym bag and will be hauling my fat ass up the stairs after her.

30-something With 100+ to Lose!

I've read an ungodly amount of blogs lately. There are so many out there and as a "lurker" I enjoy following the lives of people that I do not even know. I'm not sure why, but it's something I do. I particularly enjoy reading weightloss blogs. Each person has a place in my heart and while we are all different people, we all are on the same journey. There are different reasons for said journey and we all have different motivations (ie: a wedding, a reunion, a future baby, etc) but in the end we are all headed towards the same destination: balance, happiness, and health.

Personally, I am 30-something with more than 100 pounds to lose. Initially it was 117.6 pounds to be exact but I've reduced that amount by 6.4 pounds. That is an enormous amount of weight. I really want to lose this weight within a year. On 10/10/2010 I want to have reached my goal weight of 140 pounds. At my height, 140 pounds is pretty good. I tend to be muscular... you know... when I'm not covered in a layer of lard. So, with anything below 140 pounds I tend to look sickly. That's not an option. There is hotness under here - I just *know* it! Hehehe.

This blog is my own personal "me" time. I don't expect anyone to read it as it's pretty boring and it's basically my journal... I'm just talkin' to myself here and it feels pretty great to know that I am being accountable to myself. For the first time in 20 years.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Saturday I joined Weight Watchers. Again. This will be my third time.

First attempt: Many years ago, and a bunch of pounds ago (believed I weighed about 215), I joined Weight Watchers At Work. It went pretty well and I lost 25 pounds. Yay me! Then all of a sudden I got "stuck". My then husband, we'll call him DH1, was in a terrible car accident and my entire universe changed. I barely ate and when I did it was crap food. Then my work stopped participating in the At Work program and... well, that was it for me. I lost my motivation. FAIL.

Second attempt: Last year... on September 6, 2008 I re-joined Weight Watchers. I weighed in on 9/6 and then again on 9/13 for a total loss of 5.2 pounds. Yay me! And then I went into the hospital for a migraine that would not go away. I stayed in there a week. I lost a bunch of weight, however it was obviously not the correct way to lose it. Love that hospital food though! My third and final weigh in was on 11/1/08 and I had lost 12.6 pounds total. And then I quit. FAIL.

Third and final attempt: My best friend and I are coming up on huge milestones in our lives. I just turned 35 and she is coming up on 40. And we are fat. Fat and unhappy. So we (she has been my co-hort in both prior attempts) decided to re-join the wonderful world of Weight Watchers. Our first weigh in was last Saturday, October 17, 2009. I weighed in at an astonishing 257.6 pounds. My BFF's weight was about 15 pounds higher than mine, give or take a few.

This week went very well for me. I cut back on the sodas that I drink... limited now to 1 diet a day only after I have gotten all of my water in. That's a huge change from 6 or more diet or non-diet sodas a day. In my journal I wrote every BLT (bite, lick, taste). I stayed within my points, going over on a few days and coming under on a couple days. This is a big change from the free for all that has been my meals as of late. And it appears to have paid off. At my weigh in this morning I was down 6.4 pounds to 251.2 - GO ME!!!!

I did struggle around Thursday or Friday because my home scale only showed a 4 pound weight loss. I had a 5-7 pound weight loss in my head because of the soda cut back and the calorie reduction. And I didn't fail me! My new husband, we'll call him DH2, and several friends were very supportive and pulled me out of my slump after my visit to the home scale.

So that's the gist of my first weigh in after starting WW. I know that I can know count on 1-2 pounds lost each week. My goals are to get healthy, get active and rock this weight loss. I had several opportunities to foul up this week and I made awesome choices so I know that this time will be different so I will blog about those another time.

I will NOT make excuses. I WILL make myself a priority. I WILL be amazing!!!